Where have I been

my sincerest apologies for not posting in so long, no real excuse other than the obvious. I am pretty much stuck to my bed and have lost an incredible amount of weight since this whole thing started. I have to have a full time home health aide as well as a family member with me at all time. Sometimes I resent the invasion of my privacy but mostly I treasure the time with my family, talking about old times and learning about my family. I had a fun time this morning with my mom, talking about the crazy hair styles of the 40s and her dating. Luis came over today as well, had a great time with him, he is growing up so fast, I am so proud of him!
Well, that is it for now, but I promise I will post more often!

Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Today in our family we celebrate 3 birthdays in one day! So, Happy Birthday to Mark, Arthur, and Patrick were all born on the same day in june. Big family dinner at Mom and Dad's. I will be there in spirit, of course.

A great big THANK YOU to my Aunt Jessie and Cousin Ed for the yummy chocolates! Lindt sent by FEDEX no less! I love candy that comes with instructions inside, lol.

Sunday

The way I look at things, Hospice isn't a matter of dying but a matter of controlling my life as long as I can. I am at peace, more so now than I have been in a long while. Stopping chemo was a personal choice but one that I am at peace with. I have 24 hour care because I am pretty much stuck to my bed or a wheel chair. especially since I sprained my ankle trying to go to the bathroom by myself! My pain is tolerable and they provide me with anything I need. The hardest part was realizing that I could no longer care for my son, so he is now living with my sister (his guardian). Fortunately she just lives down the street and I see him almost every day. She has been an absolute godsend, has have my other relatives, friends and neighbors, but Peggy is special and I thank God everyday for having her as my ally, my rock, my sister, my caregiver and my good companion.
I am having problems lately with my short term memory, I will be mid sentence and stop, not remembering what the heck I was talking about. It is very frustrating for someone who is as talkative as I am!
That's it for now, I find that I get very tired easily so I don't stay on the computer too long. I'll see you next time, in the meantime keep me in your prayers

The latest

Well, it's been quite a while, but a lot has been happening, so I will try to summarize. I had my transfusion and then got pretty sick over the weekend. Went to the Emergency room and found out my blood count was down to 16. I was admitted to the hospital and given multiple transfusions. Unfortunately no one could find out a cause of the bleeding. After I was discharged they found that my ammonia level was very high then still higher a week later. The bottom line is that there is nothing more that can be done and my liver has shut down. So, no more chemo, no more treatments. A feww days later I became extremely ill and Hospice was called in. Right now I am comfortable and plan to remain so. Will I die tonight? maybe, maybe not for months. The plan is to keep me as comfortable as possible. As I get sicker my posts will get fewer but my sister Peggy will keep you all updated.
I am ok with this, I have asked God to give me strength as I continue down His path. So, meanwhile keep me in your prayers and I will keep you all in mine. God bless

Where have I been?

no, haven't disappeared off the face of the earth, I've been in the hospital, All the nausea and vomiting had really taken their toll, plus I had gotten a transfusion that week, my blood count was 22.So, went the ER, my blood count there was 16! (normal is around 36). I have been receiving blood ever since. Fortunately it looks as though i will be making it home tomorrow (Wednesday), keep your fingers crossed. no known reason why my counts are low, maybe just not making enough blood? Anyway, the docs want to make sure that I can get along on my own, well, with a walker but without passing out or tripping!

Flying Pig

For those of you who don't hail from the Cincinnati area, we have a marathon each year called the Flying Pig. Standard 26.? miles the whole nine yards. This year's was just held on Sunday and my wonderful brother Mark ran the whole thing in 3:40! not bad for someone who is just coming up on 50. But the most wonderful thing he did was to dedicate his run to Luis and me. Talk about bringing on the tears! My sister in law had a shirt made for him with a picture of Luis and me and "This run's for you" on the top! Once again I find myself giving thanks for my wonderful family, no one could have it better than me! Or maybe it's that some people don't recognize their blessings. Take my advice and take a look at your family, warts and all, and tell me that there is not at least one thing that makes that person, that family, that makes them special to you, and then give thanks that you are blessed with your family.

good news bad news

fairly uneventful week, the good news is that I was actually keeping food down, until today, I knew it was too good to last. Oh well, the side effects of chemo I guess. I am careful about what I eat, don't want to upset the apple cart, so to speak.
The bad news is that I am experiencing quite a lot of pain, feels like someone is stabbing me with a butcher knife. But this could actually be good news, because it could be a sign that the chemo and the sirspheres are doing their job and killing the tumors in my liver, so, my doctor upped my pain meds and we're all keeping our fingers crossed that that is the case.
My blood work didn't come out so great, my white blood count is down, white blood cells are what helps fight infection, so I have to be careful. My red blood count is down as well, so I got yet another shot (OUCH OUCH OUCH) of stuff that is supposed to encourage red blood cell production. If that doesn't work by next week, I may have to get a transfusion. I've given enough blood over the years that I think I deserve a little of it back, don't you think?
The weather is beautiful, I just love spring! My wonderful neighbors planted my impatiens and put up my decorative fencing,, so my front yard looks so pretty. The irises are blooming and beautiful, and my knockout rose bushes are HUGE!
Yesterday my nephew received his first communion, plus lots of birthdays in the family this week, nice party at my sister's house, her birthday too, the big four oh!
Hope everyone has a great week!

who knew?

so, I have been feeling just great! NO NAUSEA!! lots of energy. The nurse from my radiologist's office and I sat down to try to figure out why I felt so much better after having the procedure done. The only thing we could figure is that I had not been given benadry pre procedure before, and I felt great the day after. Something in the benadryl? maybe, whatever it is, I'll take it. So I am taking one benadryl cap every 3 or 4 hours, makes me a little sleepy for a short period, but I get through that and feel fine the rest of the day. hooray!

Feeling great

today is a good day! have lots of energy and NO nausea! Had my sirspheres yesterday, maybe it was the drugs they gave me yesterday, I don't care, I am just going to enjoy the moment!

I lost a dear friend yesterday

Got the call this morning, my dear friend Melissa died yesterday after a heroic battle with colon cancer. I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!! Fortunately she passed peacefully in her sleep. Melissa has always been my hero, even through the way she handled this biggest challenge. Two years ago the doctors gave up on her and told her to go be with her family. She refused to give in and had another two years with her family that no one thought she would. Melissa, I am going to miss you so much!

no news

went for chemo today and to try to figure out why I still can't keep food down. My onco thinks that perhaps my stomach and intestines are moving food along as fast as they could, so trying more of a medicine that I have been taking, Reglan. Now instead of twice a day I will be doing it before meals and see if that will work. It was pretty depressing today since I was in quite a bit of pain and couldn't keep my dinner down.

update

well, I've had all the tests and they can't find anything, considering some of the things that could have been wrong I guess I am lucky. They are saying that the cause of all the nausea and vomiting is probably the chemo and radiation. I was having a fairly good week, ate and kept everything down, until this morning when I woke up at 4 am with terrible nausea and dry heaves. It really gets to me sometimes. I can't say I'm not happy with my present weight, I haven't been this thin in some years, but I don't like the cause and I don't want to lose anymore. Cancer just sucks.

Still losing weight

seven pounds just this week! So, today I have a barium swallow, yippee, I get to drink chalk!, and on Friday an EGD with is a fancy way of saying that they will be putting a tube down my throat for a look see. There are all sorts of possibilities, some major, some minor, I just want the nausea and vomiting to stop!

Went to IKEA yesterday with my sister and her friend. 2 1/2 hours in a wheelchair on my now bony butt, painful! but it was fun, next time I'm bringing a pillow!

Old friends

my friend Alice and her daughter Liann just left after a 4 day visit. Alice is an old Navy friend who I have known for nearly 25 years. They didn't care if I just laid on the couch all day, they just wanted to see me and help out where there could. And they did! They cleaned out my refrigeratior, how embarrassing, there was probably stuff in there from the first Bush era (just kidding)! They entertained Luis and we had some great talks. Liann and Luis got along great, there were some pretty fierce battles on the Wii!

I know I am repeating myself, but I am so lucky to have such good friends. I think often times we tend to take friendship for granted, take it from me, true friendship is a blessing.

Happy Easter Everyone!

Hope the Easter Bunny was good to everyone. I have had a busy several days, Luis's godfather was visiting from California and we went to Great Wolf Lodge for Luis's birthday (11!! they grow so fast!). Had a great time, the place is amazing. Luis and Bruce got the gloves out and tried out Luis's pitching arm, 40 mph! not bad for this early in the season and the weather being cold. His coach says he'll get him up to 50!

Today is Easter and we had a nice family dinner at my sister's and also celebrated Luis's and my niece's birthdays. Luis got his favorite color (green) and is plotting what to do with his newly found riches. He also was outfitted by his generous godfather with a new glove and cleats so he is all ready for the baseball season. He is also playing volleyball and they have their first game of the season a week from tomorrow.

I have had a rough patch physically, still losing weight and have a hard time keeping anything down. Needless to say my energy is sapped and I don't have much of an appetite. Had my CT scan last week and get the results tomorrow when I go in for chemo. And through all this I still have my hair so I count my blessings!

Once again thank you doesn't quite cover it

So, it's been raining cats and dogs and last night my neighbor knocked on my door and said "you know your sump pump isn't working" which of course means my basement could flood. I called my brother in law and God bless him he was out until 8:30 in mud and a cold rain installing a new sump pump, with my 82 years young neighbor supervising and giving running commentary and fortunately providing all the tools. I am not surprised that Ray would do this, he is that kind of guy, but it still overwhelms me how lucky I am.

On the health front I am still feeling fatigued and having a hard time keeping things down. I had a CT scan today so we will see what that shows when I go to chemo on Monday. I could find out tomorrow but we are going to Great Wolf Lodge (a waterpark resort) and my friend Bruce is flying out, so if it's bad news I don't want to put a pall on the trip. I am hoping for good news especially from the sirspheres, so keep those prayers coming and fingers crossed!

Feeling better

thank goodness! I was really starting to get down, sick and tired of being sick and tired. but today is the first day in several that i haven't puked (tmi for some). Every day is a new one, and although I am tired, I am glad today is a decent, if not good, day

Well no wonder!

I've been feeling really lousy for the past several days and I found out the reason yesterday. It was not really surprising, it was side effects to the xeloda, one of my chemo drugs. My blood counts (like platelets, white cells, etc) were off whack, in fact my platelet had dropped from 149 to 72 (142 is low normal). my doctor took me off the xeloda (hooray!) and gave me a new drug for the nausea and I am feeling MUCH better this morning. one day at a time, that is my motto

not feeling great

or very good for that matter. It's been building up for the past few days and emotionally and physically I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck. Nothing specific, well, pain and GI upset, but overall I just feel like crap. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I love my son

but there are times when I don't like him very much, like today. We are in the middle of a snowstorm and he just pitched a fit because I wouldn't go out to buy him snow pants (my jeans will get wet and my legs will be cold!). So, in his eyes i am the worst mother in the whole world.