another day, another dose of chemo

lost a pound, so I guess the monster was hungry. Speaking of monster, my original idea was to dress up like that character in Alien, you know, the one where the monster came bursting out of the guy's stomach? I was told that was too disgusting......besides, I looked and looked and couldn't find it anywhere, dang it! So, I will be sitting on my front porch wrapped in blankets, with candy on one side for the trick or treaters and a cooler of beer for the parents (Trick or Beer!)

Chemo went ok, I was really tired afterwards, sat in my chair, woke up several times and kept falling back to sleep, so never went to bed and never ate. I am really tired today, but feel ok. got my hair cut and colored back to its "natural" red, it's amazing how a trip to the hairdresser can make you feel so much better. Good thing, because I really needed it. I was having a severe case of the guilts the last couple of days with lots of tears.

It is really really hard for me to ask for help, so when people found out about my diagnosis and asked what they could do, I was at a loss as to what to tell them. I was overwhelmed at the generosity, but my appetite is such that making meals would be a waste of time, I really don't want people to do my laundry, etc. The most helpful thing to me was to walk my dogs and clean out the kitty litter. Because of my suppressed immune system I can't really handle the kitty poop, and 2 dear friends (who have also been keeping my yard the best looking on the street) have been coming religiously to empty out the boxes, (with 4 cats, that's a lot of poop!). I also have 3 or 4 neighbors who have been walking my dogs for me. I like to walk my dogs, but sometimes I don't always feel up to it, even when I do, I have never known a dog to refuse a walk! Anyway, one of my neighbors led me to believe that the dog walking was overwhelming everyone and that they would have to curtail. I was devastated. Not because of the no more dog walking, but because I got the mistaken impression that people thought I was taking advantage of their generosity, which is absolutely not the case. So, now I have cancer and guilt too! Anyway, all straightened out, only one person is overwhelmed, not everyone, so I get the impression that the dogs will be getting a lot of walks!

So, to the people who have made offers of help, thank you so so much, it really does make a difference. but if you can't help, or have been helping but can't do it anymore, don't worry about it and don't feel guilty, it's OK! Trust me, prayers are as much appreciated as any casserole or dog walk.