a sonic day

I don't know why, and I am not going to question, but for some reason I had a hankering for a Sonic Burger! My appetite of late has not been good at all, so for me to have a taste for anything is nothing short of amazing. So, I called my friend Christine and we went to the local Sonic Burger. It was just as good as I wanted it to be! I didn't make it through the whole thing but I did a respectable job at eating about 3/4 of a double cheese. Maybe this time the scale will not be so harsh. I don't know, sometimes you just need to have grease I guess!

I am fine, just exhausted

Even standing for a brief period of time makes me lightheaded and out of breath, I'm no more anemic than usual, but oh my word so so fatigued. It's a side effect from all the radiation of the sirspheres, so I hope they are doing some magic!

Gratitude

I am grateful for so many things, I give thanks everyday that I live where I live, have the family I do and am blessed with so many friends. I have been touched lately at how gracious my friends have been with my son, encouraging him to come to games with them, letting him spend the day or have dinner, giving him a semblance of a normal life. While I love the fact that he wants to spend time with me, I also know that he needs his friends and all those activities that boys like to do. So, to John, Christine, Rob and Sue, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

PS, I don't know if you said anything to him, but I finally got him to take a shower tonight, wahoo!

Does my pee glow in the dark?

I bet that caught your attention! Had my sirspheres procedure yesterday and so far I am feeling pretty ok, not even as sore as the angiogram, go figure. keeping my fingers crossed it keeps up. As far as the pee goes, for what ever reason they tested it when I went to the bathroom at the hospital yesterday and you could hear the geiger counter down the hall! They don't know why. I am not a danger to anyone, just have to keep the cats and Luis out of my bathroom and flush twice. I am sure this is getting into the realm of TMI. Anyway, I am feeling pretty good, going to take things slow but I am back at work while Luis sleeps (snow day).

Feeling a little better

thank goodness! and highlight of the day was Girl Scout cookie delivery!! woohoo! Thin Mints and a cup of tea, that will get my appetite going! I'm hoping that I feel even better Wednesday, it would be nice to have a really good day before the Sirsphere adventure.

As far as my weight loss, I had to laugh, I had quit Weight Watchers for obvious reasons, duh, but now am almost at my goal weight. What comes in the mail today but a thing from WW on tips for weight loss, and a special to get me to rejoin. Uh, I don't think so. I don't want to lose any more weight, so I am hoping the Megace will do the trick. The toughest thing for me is not being able to drink cold fluids, I never thought that would affect my appetite so much, but it does. One of the side effects of the oxaliplatin is extreme sensitivity to cold, including my lips and tongue going into spasm and the feeling that I am swallowing a brillo pad. Not very appetizing for sure. So the week before the next dose of chemo is when I really load up on my cold stuff, Greaters Double Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, ice water, my needs are simple! Then it starts over again. So, a three week cycle goes something like this. Week one, feel like crap, can't eat, nauseated, diarrhea, nothing cold, can't breathe or touch anything cold. Week two, feel a little better, nothing cold to eat or drink, and just have to be cautious with the exposure to cold. If I breathe cold air through my nose I go into fits of violent sneezing which really HURTS, and if I breathe cold air through my mouth I feel like my throat is closing up. Very pleasant. Week Three is when I feel the most normal, finally some energy.

Stamina is what I am lacking for sure. I used to be full of energy, walk 5 miles with the dogs, blah blah blah. Now I am out of breath just walking up the stairs from the garage, and I'm not running up those stairs for sure. The fatigue and lack of stamina is often when I realize that I am truly sick, because it is so permanent. Nausea I can deal with, there are pills. But I don't think I will ever get the energy back, so I just have to face it.

I started this post on a positive note and I will end it so as well. I am feeling MUCH better today and will feel better tomorrow. I still have my sense of humor and plan on keeping it. I can't wait for the weather to get warmer so I can at least sit outside on the deck and enjoy the sunshine. I think we're all a little tired of winter! Baseball season is coming soon and I can't wait until I can get out there and watch Luis pitch again. Did I mention he is a great little pitcher? At least this proud mom thinks so!

just a short update

thanks to all who have been calling and asking about me, and my apologies for not answering the phone. There are times when I just am not up to it, and lately this has been that time. I have not been feeling the greatest, nausea, vomiting, etc etc. chemo is not a fun adventure for sure. I have no appetite lately and have lost 12 lbs in less than a month. When I was on Weight watchers I would have been cheering, but now I am just sick to my stomach. I got my flu shot but I still feel like I have the worst flu I have ever had, and I haven't even gone for my sirspheres yet. This is the time when motherhood is the most difficult, i don't feel good and Luis needs me, nothing major, but the little things are what really get to you, like homework and dinner! UGH!!!

angiogram

had my angiogram yesterday and things went well according to the doc, so I am set for the sirspheres on the 21st. I won't say the procedure was a piece of cake, laying flat on my back was no picnic when you consider that I have tumors in my spine, but nothing I couldn't handle. So, right now I am limping around like an old lady but doing fine.

The kindness of strangers

2 posts in one day! This one is special. Today I received in the mail a beautiful small quilt from someone in New York state representing an organization called the Prayer Quilt Ministry. With it came a card which read in part "Each knot on this quilt represents a prayer that was said specifically for you." I was quite touched.

So, to Jo Ferretti, the Prayer Quilt Ministry, and the person or persons who sent along my name, thank you very very much.

even without cancer, parenting is frustrating

to say the least. Here is what I think:
1. Helping with homework, especially math, is cruel and unusual punishment
2. "Whatever" when used as the response to a question, command, etc should be banned
3. Don't these kids know that if they keep rolling their eyes they will get stuck that way?
4. I refuse to clean my son's room, however, I will be happy to post a "toxic waste dump" sign on the door
5. why is it that as soon as my kid needs a new winter coat the stores don't have any? Same holds with school uniforms.
6. I think my son thinks that instead of "mom" my name is "mom can I" or "Mom can I have"

I am quite sure there are others, feel free to chime in ;-)

I'm so tired

I know I've said it before, but I'm saying it again, I am SO tired! Cancer, chemo, radiation do not mix with trying to raise an active and often very silly 10 year old boy, that's for sure! It's not a fair fight. Well, one week of radiation down, 5 more treatments to go. Angiogram next Friday, then the SIR Spheres on the 21st. I am hoping that by mid April I might be able to settle into some kind of routine and get some of my energy back. We'll see. Meanwhile I am feeling ok other than the fatigue, so if you see me nodding off in church or anyplace else, just nudge me.